Be- YOU- tiful-

Most people are struggling with how to feel better about their body image. Here’s how!

1. Make a commitment to stop being so hard on yourself and to make healthy loving changes.

2. Stop looking in the mirror more than you need to for personal hygiene.

3. Stop looking at and competing with other women’s/men’s body types.

4. Stop reading fashion magazines that show fake images of women’s bodies.

5. Feel your feelings. Don’t bury them with food or by restricting food.

6. Address your problems and try to resolve them. Get professional help if you need support or education in how to do this.

8. Find a career that you are good at and enjoy doing or find any job. There’s no shame in a hard days work and at least you’ll feel like you’re contributing.

9. Discover your passions and fill your life with pleasurable things.

10.Work on improving your relationships.

11. Set attainable goals.

12. Live in the moment. You can’t control the past or future but you can control your own responses to life right now.

I have purposefully left the food/eating suggestions for last because feeling bad about body image is not really about how you look in the mirror. It’s about not loving yourself for who you are right now even though you may be striving to be your best self physically and mentally. It also about appreciating what your body does for you. For instance your thighs may be a little larger than you like but did you ever focus on the fact that those legs are what enables you to walk. It’s all about perspective.

13. Eat healthy and allow yourself a treat now and then.

14. Engage in at least moderate exercise 4-5 times a week.

15. Discover your own personal sense of fashion and have it enhance and reflect who you are as well as highlight your own unique beauty.

 I truly believe that there are all kinds of beauty in this world and I wonder why so many people are searching for a particular look.

Beauty starts from within. True beauty is not about the size of your nose or your ears or about your hair or your legs. It’s about feeling good about yourself for who you are and how you live your life. When you reach that place others may notice your infectious smile and the twinkle in your eyes. Now that’s beautiful!

Want to work with a professional to improve your negative body image?

Don't Isolate-

I know it’s hard to reach out for help. You’re probably feeling shame and guilt about your eating disorder. You’re also afraid to give it up because it’s become your identity. You also don’t trust people very much. You have nothing to feel shamed about. Your eating disorder is a symptom of things that have happened to you since you were a child. You were the child. You did nothing wrong. Isolating yourself is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Reach out to safe people and tell them you’re hurting and need help. There is no shame in having problems. They are real. Your feelings are real. What happened to you has its effects. Don’t minimize. Validate yourself and say, I have an eating disorder but I deserve to be happy and I am going to fight hard until I am better.

Call me, I’ll validate you and hold your feelings until you can manage them yourself. Sometimes you just have to work with the right person. 

Rebuilding Trust Takes Time-

Okay so here’s the thing, if your partner takes you back or rather “stays with you” after you’ve had an affair then you are going to have to respectfully put up with your partners need to mention, talk about, vent about how you’ve hurt them. I’m not talking about putting up with abusive resentment but I am talking about answering questions, tolerating anger and sadness at times. It will be brought up many times before it is even close to being put down to rest.

If your partner is truly remorseful and wants to be given another chance; this is what they must do.

1. They must own what they did and express deep regret.

2. They must stop seeing or speaking with the other person. You can listen as they say goodbye to their partner by phone. You cannot work on your relationship when energy is being pulled away by another person.

2. They must understand why this happened? That means understanding themselves and what they needed from you that they were not getting as well as knowing what they could have done differently.

3. They should be willing to recommit and begin couple’s counseling to rebuild trust and improve the relationship.

4. They should show you in many ways that they are trustworthy now. That might mean letting you know where they are at all times, checking in, and willing to take questions about their whereabouts. It might be sharing their password for the computer or cell phone. This is not nagging! This is fair considering what happened; especially in the first year.

When all this is in place and working then there is a strong chance that you can get through this difficult time. Relationships can be even better than before if the two partners truly want to recommit and make the relationship better.

Remember however, there is no reason to have an affair. Either work with your partner on your issues or leave before you go outside the relationship.  You owe that to your partner and wouldn’t you want them to do the same for you?

We’re not just talking about men cheating. Statistics show that women are cheating too.

Need help getting past an affair?

Body Image

People with poor body image tend to think that they are larger than they are even though others tell them they are small or even tiny.

Here’s what you do to have a more realistic view of your body size. Get yourself a large piece of white drawing paper, the kind that comes on a roll. You can find it any craft or teacher’s store. Roll the paper out on a hard surface and lay down on the paper.  Ask someone to draw your body outline with a crayon or marker. It’s best if you’re in your underwear or swimsuit to capture your true outline but clothes will work if they make sure to get right up against your body. After they draw you stand up and take a look at the outline of your body. Now tell me, are you large or small?

Posted it your bedroom or bathroom to remind you of what you really look like.

Want to work on your negative body image with me?

Little girl's body image.

Moms, I know you love your daughters and want the best for them but please don’t put your anxiety about your daughter’s weight onto your daughter; especially when they are little and when they are in their teens.

Girl’s body image is tenuous at best so hearing from significant people that you are eating too much or looking heavier makes a girl anxious and worried about her body image. She gets enough pressure from peers, boys, and the media!

After she internalizes your negative messages about her body she will now tell these things to herself.  She believes herself to have an unacceptable body image. This can last a lifetime! Make sure the way your daughter looks isn’t tied into your anxiety about what others will think.

Mom, if you have anxiety about your daughter’s weight then you can seek counseling for yourself. You can learn t0 calm yourself and help your daughter in a more productive manner. Make sure you are role modeling heathy eating behaviors!

If your daughter is gaining weight where she is becoming unhealthy, that’s the time to have a gentle but honest and loving conversation. Then you can problem solve together on how to help her learn to eat healthier and you can also contact a professional therapist, and/or a dietician, or even something like Weight Watchers.

If your daughter’s weight and eating behavior is tied into deeper issues and feelings then you definitely need to work with a therapist who specializes in treating eating disorders.

Want to find out if your daughter has an eating disorder?

Once you understand what you’re eating disorder is covering and can deal with those issues you won’t need your eating disorder any longer.

Your natural inclination and ability to eat well will support your healthy lifestyle. It’s really the best of both worlds. I am living proof! It’s all about balance.

When you find balance in your life you will use your discipline with food to take care of yourself rather than use it as a coping skill.

Want to learn how to do this?

See if you can slowly cut back on the amount of times you spend checking yourself in the mirror. See if you can spread out the times. Morning wash-up, midday refreshing and washing for bed should be the goal!

Nothing is going to change from the last time you checked. Reassure yourself that you look good enough and focus on more internal issues. Once you understand those and feel good about yourself and your life you won’t need to check your mirror anymore.

Want to work on those issues with a professional?

January 1st is coming. Isn’t it time you made your resolution for the coming year?

Tip #2-

Don’t try to manage your eating disorder on your own. If you’ve attempted to give up your eating disorder and have failed; it’s time to consider working with a professional to help you beat this. You are not alone and there’s no shame in asking for help; quite the opposite. How brave of you to reach out.

Find a psychotherapist in your area who specializes in treating eating disorders. You can’t afford to let another year or 6 months pass you by. Your life and your happiness depend on it.

Make a plan, find the time and schedule your appointment for the first of the year!

Would you like to talk to me about your eating disorder?

If you are struggling with purging try the “postponing technique”. This means that when you feel like you need to purge you postpone doing it for 5 or 10 minutes. Sometimes sitting with the feeling can cause a change in thinking and you may be able to avoid purging all together.

Want to learn other techniques for stopping the binge and purge cycle?